Ballcock's Bio

Name: Ballcock

Married to: Bauble

Children: Barb and BB

Profession: Plumber

Tagline: Always right. Just ask him.

Most common saying: “People like us don’t do that sort of thing.”

Temperament: Short fuse. Prone to blowing a gasket over minor inconveniences, especially anything involving DIY done by someone else.

Additional notes:

• Firmly believes he is exceptionally good at what he does (and sees no reason to question this)

• Sees himself somewhere between James Bond and Clint Eastwood

• Known to say things like “Do you feel lucky?” in completely inappropriate situations

• Suspicious of anything new, modern, or “a bit fancy”

• Convinced most problems can be solved with the right spanner and his input

• Thinks ambition is risky business—for other people

• Tells long, detailed stories about very ordinary jobs, with no clear point

• Deep admiration for Morecambe and Wise, The Two Ronnies, and the general tone of Benny Hill

• Has a tendency to break into song, usually “This Is My Life” by Shirley Bassey, whether anyone asked or not

Classic line: “I’d leave your mam if it wasn’t for her gravy.”

Special skill: Tap Whisperer. He can hear a tap dripping from the next street down.

Biggest fear: “Ideas above your station”

Secret (would deny it): Ice Age is his favourite film.